Get Well Cards, Perfect for Pussies
Think get well cards are just for little old ladies who smell like piss? Think again. They’re for little old men who smell like piss too…
No one likes to feel unwell, and what better way is there to cheer someone up than a funny card to help and raise their spirits when they’re feeling under the weather? Whether it’s serious surgery or just a common cold, get well soon cards are the ideal way to pass on your thoughts and well-wishes and to let someone know that they are on your mind. Not only that, they are also a great way to rub in the fact that you’re still feeling fighting fit and healthy, even if they aren’t.
Tired of stale old hospital food? Freezing your bollocks off in one of those little gowns that are so short your bum sticks out? Let’s face it, being in hospital is almost worse than being sick or in pain in the first place, and aside from a bunch of flowers or a bunch of grapes, there’s little you can do to make the experience better for a friend or loved one. You can however, brighten up their room with a “Get back to work cunt” card or even a “ Urine, stool, blood and semen samples? Just give them your pants” card, and as an added bonus, you’ll probably give the nurses a giggle too while you’re at it.
Got a colleague who’s been off work sick? They’re probably just faking it (the lazy bastard)! But luckily a get well card which reads “You’d do anything for a card #attentionseekingfuck” is a great way to vent your frustrations and let them know that you’re onto their pathetic little games.
Or maybe you know someone who gives you far too much information when they’re ill? You know the type: someone who gives you hourly updates on the state of their bowel movements and the colour and consistency of their mucus? Eughh! You probably won’t ever get that image out of your head, but treating them to a “Sorry you’ve got the shits” card is one way to make both them and yourself feel (at least a little bit) better.
There’s always one mate who suffers from the most extreme cases of man flu or even the mother of all hangovers isn’t there? Well you would be fully justified in being sick and tired of their constant moaning and groaning. If this is the case, then one of our “Man up you pussy” or “Strap on a pair dickhead” get well cards would be a fantastic reminder for them to kindly shut the fuck up and stop whining like a little girl.
When it comes to illness, all previous levels of taste and etiquette go out the proverbial window and your only goal is to cheer your friend or family member up (or at least get a smile onto their miserable, self-pitying face). With that in mind, sending them a “Hope its not bad aids” get well soon card is always a good idea. I mean, only a monster wouldn’t crack a smile at that one.
If its really bad news you might have to resort to a good luck card instead
Whether it’s the flu, salmonella or even gonorrhoea, we all need a bit of light-hearted fun when we’re feeling poorly, and there’s no better way than a humorous (yet truthful) get well card to raise the spirits and help get your pal back on track. The doctor did always tell you that laughter is the best medicine… after one of our get well cards comes through the door they’re bound to be cured.