Don’t Send Those Rude Christmas Cards, Christmas Is Cancelled This Year
Everyone knows that Christmas is a prime time for disasters to happen (it must be something about everyone being all together at once, or maybe just the serious amount of booze that is consumed), and with the amount of horror stories that we frequently hear about burnt turkeys, big fights and forgotten presents, it’s no wonder that you want to send your mates rude Christmas cards like the “Don't Get Your Hopes Up This Year, Santa Knows What You've Been Doing Online #merrychristmas”, “Don't Like This Card? That's Just Rude-Olph! Fuck You Buddy #merrychristmas” and “I'd Wish You A Merry Christmas But You're A Bellend” rude Christmas cards available on our cardshit.com website.
So, with Christmas just around the corner, we thought we would share some of the best Christmas disaster stories that we have been able to discover online. These are enough to make you want to stop sending out rude Christmas cards and maybe even cancel Christmas altogether.
"We used to have 12 free-range chickens in our backyard, including one chicken, Bubbles, who was our favourite. One Christmas, my brothers and I were playing when we heard squawking in the backyard. We went to check on them, and found a hawk sitting in the backyard hunched over the decapitated body of Bubbles. My brothers cried and my dad had to go out and dispose of the body. He found the head on the other side of the yard. It was like watching Animal Planet in our backyard, but much sadder." – submitted to Buzzfeed
“This one happened to a school friend of mine, obviously! Whilst working for a major City Bank he climbed up on to the dining table in a very public place, attempted singing, reverted to general drunken wine glass kicking boss-abuse before bringing forth the perfect 'Chunder Storm'. All over his formidable CEO. He was fired but it was totally worth it. Apparently.” – submitted to LondonLaunch.com
“It was my first Christmas party as an actual lawyer for a huge firm, but I was really new and junior so keen not to embarrass myself. It was a free bar and I managed to not get too hammered though my boss did. She got so drunk she was running around pinching people and it got to the stage where the big dogs told me to take her home. When I asked her where her home was she wouldn't tell me because she wanted to go to mine and sleep with me. After 20 minutes with an increasingly angry taxi driver waiting, I agreed to take her to mine and that she’d sleep in the sofa bed. She tried to kiss me and I backed away then she vomited all over the taxi and my hired suit. I had to pay £100 damages. Then when I got home, I held her hair back as she vomited into the bath. I tucked her in, really worried as to how embarrassed she’d be the next day. The next morning, I woke up and she’d gone, but she’d shat herself on the sofa bed. When I got into work she’d moved to offices on a different floor and if I see her again I'll die.’ – submitted to The Debrief
We’re sure there are literally hundreds of embarrassing Christmas disasters that make you cringe every time you think of them, so be careful this year or you’ll be scrapping the Christmas cards in favour of our “Sorry I’m a Cunt” and “Sorry I’m a Twat” rude sorry cards.